Roots

Roots. Beneath a beautiful tree with it's branches reaching out and perfectly placed leaves are the most important unseen pieces of the Tree, it's roots. These roots provide all of the strength for the Tree to stand and face everything that the world and weather may bring to them, though they are hidden underground and mainly unseen or acknowledged. We see the beauty of an old tree with it's massive trunk, wide out reaching branches and vibrantly colored leaves though rarely do we think about how this tree has been nourished to get to it's stature. The roots can take all of the credit for the awesome tree, and the roots themselves are a thing of inspiring beauty. The root system is so much more complicated and massive than the actual seen tree. Which brings more curiosity and the yearning to hear about what this beautiful tree has gone through and the roots can tell that inspiring story. 

I've been really thinking lately about trees and roots as we continue on this journey and how I can so relate to a beautiful tree. Just as many of you, I feel lost and alone more times than not lately though others looking in think that everything is fine and dandy. Though this may be the case and our life is very blessed but the journey is far from fine and dandy. My Tree stands tall, strong, beautiful, blessed, kind, outreaching, loving, and full of light though the roots holding this tree are ugly, gnarled, weak, thick, scared, strong and dark. And no I am not going to go all Negative Nancy on you, just stating that every ones journey has twists and turns and even though God is guiding our every move there are still weakness at times.

Travis was given an option after being told we were moving to Ft. Hood that was unexpected about 2 weeks ago. He was told that he had to reenlist, which would be his last and final reenlistment for his career, or they would not move us and we would be discharged from the Army. Easy decision right? Since we had talked about staying in the Army as a career, but it wasn't. When this news came we were at peace with having to move, and the excitement was building thinking about getting the chance to reach out even more to a new set of unknowns. So when we received this news it was kind of shocking to me at our families, friends and at our own reactions. Having to make this decision made us feel like we were choosing family or the Army and not both. Though after lots of praying we decided staying in was our best option and that the fear that was put in our hearts with this new was not God's plan for us. So Travis will reenlist on the 1st of March and it will be indefinite, just as we had planned from the beginning before being home and feeling our roots being nourished over the last 4 years.

The emotional roller coaster going on lately just has really got me thinking about my own root system, reflecting on how I've gotten to where I am. I've realized that there are three different kinds of roots: physical, relationships, and spiritual. All three have a huge part on how your tree will grow and all three need nourishment as you go through life.  These next few paragraphs I will be sharing my own experiences in life not for a pity party or to show up anyone elses experiences though just to show you where I am coming from. For you to know my roots a little better and not just seeing my Tree.

My physical roots mean to me that sense of belonging, being able to relate and feel at home. From my experiences in my adult life of moving, oh so many times, when we would come home on leave we were essentially coming home to feel like we belonged. You know that feeling when you walk into the family home and you instantly feel at ease and full of love. For me that is my Grandma Allen's house she is the only person in my family to not have moved in over 50 years. That is incredible in my eyes for I've moved so many times in all of my life, even as a child. And until just the other night while folding laundry with Travis, I didn't realize why I was struggling so much with this move. I was standing there folding Connor's Thomas the Train shirt that we had gotten him when he turned four and we took him to actually see him at Day out with Thomas. When it dawned on me, we had lived at this very home for 4 years. That is longer than I had lived any where since I was 11, so in 15 years I had never had the feeling of being rooted somewhere. I had lived on Trout Run, Mageetown, been homeless for 4 months, Spruce St, El Paso TX, Germany, Lawton OK and then finally here in this home. I am struggling because I finally feel that wonderful sense of security and having physical roots. In a beautiful home that I feel so connected to all of the wonderful blessings that have been received here.

During this time in this home my Tree has grown in such awesome ways, before moving here I was very much an introvert and mainly just a soldier's wife. But now my Tree reflects the strong roots that are beneath it and it's not all because of the physical roots, it has everything to do with the relationship roots that have flourished since being here. I have very treasured friendships that I was blessed with before moving home with friends from around the world with connections that are unique to the wonderful people they are with. My roots now have branched out and have some very strong new growth friendships and some just starting to bud friendships. Many of these relationships have blessed my family and allowed me to be a blessing to others. So much so I can't even fathom my impact on this community, and I am shocked by how many people have spoken to me about how thankful they are for knowing my family. My life is full of people who I can feel the love and support from. Though there are a few buds that had started and turned black teaching me lessons about myself and others. Making me realize that my fear of putting myself out there could end up hurting me but for the most part there are kind, loving people who want to be a part of my family's life.

In these relationship lessons I've been guided and filled spiritually. My spiritual roots have grown the most since being here. I did not grow up in a Christian family but due to some wonderful family friends was brought to Vacation Bible School as a young child, there they told me of Jesus Christ and I then knew I was not alone. I prayed every single night in my own bed snuggled up with my favorite stuffed animals that the Lord would "Keep me safe". I did not attend church, there was not praying with my family, and any contact with Christians was a once a year thing at VBS. Through all of what life had thrown my way in my childhood I still knew that Jesus was right along side of me. When Travis and I moved back here 4 years ago we were going through a very rocky time in our marriage and I had always been a bit jealous of his roots in the church. So after some time and not feeling on the same page as him, I told him it was going to church or divorce and the rest is history. Church for me was exactly what my body, life, soul needed, all of that time of yearning to be a christian as a child and adult, I was finally living my dream. Having the ability of watching my own children grow and interact with such wonderful Christians really touches my heart and fills me with joy, beyond my wildest dreams. Every single part of my life has been touched by the support the church has shown. Travis and I's marriage has done a complete 360, we rekindled the love and overcame unfaithfulness. Best of all my relationship with God has been incredibly strengthened.

As you can see my life is certainly not perfect, my roots are mangled and dark though in just 4 short years my Tree has flourished since being home. My roots have grown in all areas of my life and for that I am a stronger woman, wife, momma, friend, aunt, cousin, sister, christian, business woman, and the list could go on and on. And for each of these reasons stated above and many things that haven't been shared yet, I am nervous and scared about following the path that is before me. I know that the Lord will be by my side through all of this and trusting in Him means that I will not know all of the answers to my questions. With everyone by my side to help me remember how strong my Tree is,  I am ready to face the weather, stand strong and continue to nourish my roots.