*Sigh*
You know one of those 'sighs' after feeling like you really weren't breathing for awhile. Like everything was overflowing all around you and you were just juggling from one issue to the next issue. That moment that is only a few seconds long, a 'sigh', but helps you regain focus as you get ready to tackle the issue standing right in front of you.
These last few months have really been a huge lesson in God's timing for me and my family. We are facing such emotional issues that it seems we are constantly in a state of prayer. I've learned to calm my heart quickly and just pray through the stress. It surely doesn't stop the stresses from coming but it is getting me through all that is flying at me.
Going from having the most awesome husband here helping with the kiddos and our house, was something that I took for granted, to him being 1500 miles away was a really hard pill to swallow. When he left for Texas on May 8th, I did not realize how much he would be missed. Waking up on the 9th to no coffee being made and poured into my cup was my first clue to how awesome of a hubby Travis is. Every single morning he would make sure I had hot coffee ready for me, poured in my cup with just the right amount of creamer. This kind act was something that he began on his own and that I was always SO grateful for, now I miss it dearly. We are now half way until our family will be back together and we are counting the days.
Though as we count the days to see Daddy, we are counting the days to cherish our time here in PA. There are many fun times planned over the next few weeks and are looking forward to all of the fun events! In the same breath we are incredibly sad that our time is ending up here with our family and friends. It is very hard to take your children away from everything they've known to a place where they are totally unfamiliar with. My children barely remember living anywhere other than Titusville, PA, where all of the family lives. So this move is so much more stressful than any other move ever before. And we have moved to and from Germany while being pregnant both times!!!
Our house has been on the market for 1 month now and have showed it once. Now that is a stress that I was completely unaware just HOW stressful it would be. Now that I am doing it completely alone while being a single working Momma of 4, I'm being pushed down with how overwhelming that is. We pray everyday that God will bless us with a buyer for this home so that we can enjoy these last few weeks here without this stress hanging over us. And as everyday passes with no schedule showing the anxiety sets in, especially because the Army has assigned us housing down there and double bills begin this month. Which means this Momma has to kick up her working time because the Army does not offer "overtime hours" for Travis to pick up to add more money coming in. My days are full of caring for my little ones, keeping the house in semi-showing order, and trying my hardest to set up as many Celebrating Home parties as I can. Just trying to make ends meet, on top of planning gatherings and birthday parties for my kiddos!
I've realized with the house that it will all work out "In God's Timing", which is such a hard lesson to learn. I will admit that I've questioned why we are going through this time with the stress being as high as it is. Or why we have not been blessed with a buyer yet for our beautiful home. I will also admit that the stress is so overwhelming that I've felt very alone. I seen someone post a picture that said "80% of your friends don't care about the problems you face and 20% are happy that you are facing them" and I actually felt I could relate. Ugh. I know. I know. There are people who are praying and caring for us I was just feeling really alone. When these weak moments come across my heart I start to pray and to "sing" praise songs. This helps calm me and helps me see the blessings that surround me, even if things aren't falling in place like we need them to it is all in His time.
As I mentioned we've been singing lots of praise songs to help us handle the high emotion filled days. We've always been a "singing" family, with anything from bible songs to hymns. Usually one of us "singing" at all times, sometimes when we are stressed and all of the time while we are doing chores. Actually a few nights after Travis left when I went upstairs to tuck the kiddos into bed I heard singing. As I came upstairs tears filled my eyes, my children were singing Amazing Grace from their beds. Amazing Grace has become our famliy's go to song to help us feel soothed with God's Love and to push the stress away from our hearts. They have been going through so many emotions with missing Daddy and saying "See you Later" to the people they love. Little Duncan comes to me every night for extra snuggles, pulls up his shirt, points to his chest and says "My feelings hurt." This is where we are with our emotions, completely mixed up but turning to the Lord for his guidance and peace.
Now that the craziness of Dance Recital Week and all of the end of the year Special Days are over I am looking forward to a bit more of a relaxed schedule with my kiddos. Yes, relaxed with 4 kiddos you may say? I just love having them all home, this way we can actually plan and enjoy moments with our families over the next few weeks. Our 4th grader, 2 grader, Kindergartner, and Little D are counting the days until Daddy will rejoin us and head to Texas around the 7th of July. As I pray for friends for them in Texas, a buyer for our house, peace for our hearts, friends and family and all of those families who can relate to the trying times that we are facing. Know that you are being prayed for even if you don't relate to our troubles, everyone has their own set of stresses and your name is being lifted!!!
Prayers and Blessings!
