Random Unpublished Blog Post that I found...LOL Well over a Year ago!!

Love that today is Travis and I's 12th Anniversary since we started dating, and our love is stronger and more amazing than ever! How did we celebrate? A tasty and relaxing dinner at Chick Fil A with the kiddies then to the PX to spy on what catches our kiddos eyes(thinking Christmas presents). Now to play one of our favorite games and relax with some wine. Love celebrating this anniversary since our wedding anniversary always gets lost in Father's Day and Travis's Birthday and this is our last anniversary together till he gets back from deployment. Cherishing every moment!


"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

This verse is one that I've been "eating" for a while, certainly helps to say it out loud....very thankful for that speaker at PWOC who shared with us to not only read God's word but to consume it by speaking it. Her tip for memorization is helping and I'm loving my little book that I pull out full of verses that I say out loud as many times as I eat actual food....makes so much sense to me!


Ohhhhh how I missed Travis the last 4 weeks, very challenging October with him gone but definately know it was great preparation for what is to come. What a day, I went to the dr and I have bronchitis...ugh....so he showed up with Pizzas and a movie(ironman 2) and now playing Ironman as he gets them around for Bed all the while I got to just sit and relax! Such a great hubby and daddy!

Heheheeeeee just a little laugh from Monday. So the temp in Texas is not in the 100's anymore. On Monday it was in the low 80's. when I took Duncan to class at 9am it was probably in the 70's. his class did a lesson then they were going outside to collect fall items. The teacher asked for Duncan's jacket. I told her it wasn't cold outside for us, that i didnt put one on him.As I notice everyone bundled up. We are from Pennsylvania where they usually have first snow fall in October, lol! Ohhhhhhh says the teacher. Praying that I will always enjoy the warmth that is here, my favorite part of Texas...the sunshine and warmth!




Hmmmmmmm getting caught up with the Thankful Thoughts.....which typically being thankful is an everyday attitude for our family. I'm going to do them in random order, so don't think that I'm posting them in order of importance ;) 

1. Time. Thankful for all of the time spent with our family and friends back home in PA, it has prepared me for the last stretch of our Army career. And all of the time 

that I've been given with my kids and hubby(it's 12 years for us today!!), each and every day I'm praising God for the blessings and being thankful for the time given to me! 

2. Facebook. Getting to keep in contact with our relationships with so many wonderful people all over the world is invaluable to me, along with the businesses that it has allowed me to grow so I can stay at home with my kids, very thankful!

3. Popcorn Machine. Thankful to my Grandpa Shreve for thinking of such an awesome gift, that our family will cherish forever. It has given us the opportunity to gather family and friends to enjoy a special treat. Every time it pops it makes me think of all of the wonderful memories of my grandparents when having popcorn at their house involved a saucepan and stove! ;) now we get to turn on that machine bringing smiles to our kiddos faces and the faces of new and old friends! 


4. Racing. We are headed to the NASCAR race up near Dallas today and I'm sooooo thankful that I grew up around this faced paced sport. Many Sundays were spent at the drag racing track then to my a grandpa Shreve's house for lunch then the "race". Many many Saturdays were spent at the local dirt tracks cheering on my uncle or best friends dad. Today I get to share with my own family the tradition that I grew up around and our family back home is soooo excited to try and find us haha, my love of fast cars hopefully being transferred to my kiddies



5. Working at Home. It definitely has it's own set of challenges when you work from home but it also comes with so many awesome benefits. My favorites are not having to dress up for work, starting my day with cuddles from my little ones and being able to pick most days which job I want to focus on. Though there are the challenges like facing the "working mommy guilt" all day, having work and "housework" under the same roof, scheduling it all so everything is getting done while trying not to go insane being in the same building all day. At the end of the day it is such a blessing to be able to provide for my family without having to pay child care costs or lose those special moments with my kids throughout the day and they get to see how hard I am working and at times get to "help"




6. Yarn. Thankful to have something that offers me comfort, slows me down during stressful times, also get to turn it into something that brings smiles to others. As I use my hook and transform it, I get to pray and focus my creativity into something somebody else is going to love. It also provides a strong connection with my Grandma who taught me how to use it. Hmmmm this must explain my huge stash of yarn, very thankful!



7. My Phlebotomist. My nerves were high knowing that I had a ton of vials to give for testing, though the instant I seen her face I was comforted. She was and older lady who's face resembled my Grandma Shreve and her smile was out of this world! She talked me through the protocol for the vials that needed to be iced, heated and protected right after they were taken...I bowed my head and began pray

ing(what I do when I'm nervous and stressed) and I could feel her praying with me...so awesome. God is just so amazing to give these moments to us when we are afraid and nervous. The best part what that her pen had Subway art type sayings and such on it, the phrase that JUMPED out at me was "Let Go. Let God." Exactly what I needed in SO many areas of my life and maybe yours too, sorry I'm over sharing in my status' lately, I really need to blog( a huge stress reliever, just do not have the time)

Praying

Dear Lord,

Allow me to soak in each precious moment with those I cherish, help me remember their soft voices of advice and kind smiles of understanding. Lord, I am ever thankful for your love and even though at times it has been hard to follow your path I thank you for never leaving my side. I'm begininning to really see your work in our family's lives over the last 4 years and the little and big lessons that we needed to learn while being home. As I recongnize those lessons and blessings a little piece of peace fills my heart telling me that everything is going to work out. That peace is really what is guiding our family right now and I am so very thankful to you that you are givng it to me just at the perfect times. Lord fill me with your strength as you have provided during this very stressful time. Lord please fill our home with a wonderful person, we've realized that we needed to just listen to you Lord and allow you to fill our home with either a renter or a buyer and not demand one or another. So we truly give it all up to you and may you place that person in our path. May you continue to use me Lord where ever you need me to be, may my actions glorify your name. In Jesus' Name, Amen

This is a typical prayer from me that I say when things in life are piling up, which for me lately has been at least 5 times a day. Praying my way through each day has really proven to help make my days a bit more manageable and not as lonely. Yes, lonely. Even though I know my Lord is right there beside me it doesn't take from the fact that there has been lots on my plate and it has just been me to handle it all physically. Many people say to me daily, "Wow, I don't know how you do it. You are so strong" and this statement was really bothering me I'd typically respond "Ohhhh, I'm not any stronger than you" and the person saying it would look at me strangely. I've never ever been good with compliments and I'm not sure if they were trying to compliment me or comfort me. But either way I couldn't put my finger as to why I was feeling so bothered by it every time someone said that. Until my friend Bonnie gave me the book "God Strong" by Sara Horn.

It was one of "those" days. You know what I am talking about when you had to been in 50 places at once, nothing was going good and to top it off the kids were sick. As I was getting it all done for the house, kids, bills, etc, etc, I had checked my facebook mail and there was an invite reminder from my friend Bonnie about this Prayer group that they had been doing for months. My first thought was "No way, with all that is on my plate. I can't possibly add another". Though as the day progressed and my Momma was going to be here anyways to help with the kids after work it began to jump into my head. "Prayer Group". Man I really could use a time to prayer for others right now, since my prayer list seemed a mile long. It has always helped me to pray for others during my own struggles. So when 7:30pm started rolling around I barely slipped out the door and made it to the meeting, which I think I was like the third one to arrive! Whew! Wasn't the late one like always! :) When Bonnie arrived one of the first things she did was hand me the book, just casually with not too many words said. I graciously thanked her and tucked it into my purse. The meeting was wonderful and it certainly was just what I needed, I filled my prayer book with the needs of others and I felt SO filled up with the holy spirit when I left. As I walked in the door and thanked my Momma for watching my sleeping kiddos, I sat down with the book.

As I began reading the first chapter it felt as though a window had opened in my heart and the words just came rushing in like a cool breeze. The words seemed like they were written just for me, as if someone had been reading my heart and knew just what to say. With the first chapter being a preview of what she was going to touch base upon, my heart began to race with excitement wanting to quickly read through the entire book that night. Then a soft voice said "Slow down, embrace each lesson, soak up every word". So I grabbed my highlighter and off I went to enjoy this book realizing what a blessing it truly was. Just a glimpse at one of the first things that the my blue highlighter went into action with was:
"Misconception 1: God doesn't give me more than I can bear, so it's up to me to handle it. The verse of Scripture that this saying gets its basis from is 1 Corinthians 10:13. Take a look: "No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit: he'll always be there to help you come through it." " She then talks about this verse meaning more about the temptations that we face and how we need to walk away from them.

There are many many many lessons that I am going to share over these next few months with what this book has taught me and I would very much recommend you to read it if you feel you are in need of a new perspective with your relationship with God. It is aimed for the military spouse but I could soooooo see many of my friends reading and taking away very valuable lessons. I've realized that the strength that I feel inside of me during each moment of weakness or moment of stress is not my own and it comes from my heavenly father, He should be receiving all of those comments about how "Strong" I am. For I am a sinner, I am weak, I am lost and through my God I am loved, strong and forever his daughter. I am amazed taht I am a little over half way done with this book, with each page having some sort of blue message highlighted on it. With my life being so crazy, I am still finding the time to spend with this book, my bible, the Prayer Group and most importantly my relationship with my God.

Crazy is a very modest word to describe the month of June. With 3 birthday parties, play dates, moving, work, family plans, selling/renting the house, kiddos being sick, and everything else that June brought; crazy doesn't really touch it! It surely has been a jammed packed month and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I've gotten to spend so much quality time with each person whom I cherish. These past four years have brought so many wonderful people into my life and have made lifetime friendships with. It truly has been a blessing being home even though at times it surely felt completely the opposite. How awesome is it that we got to spend four years growing strong roots for our family in our home town. And as we face the time that we are going to have to head onto our next adventure; I am truly thankful for each and every moment. Good and bad. For I have grown in ways that I didn't think were ever possible for me, in ways that I never thought that I could. We've faced some not so good things while being home death, drama, tragedy, sadness though looking back on them I can see the lesson in each and how each person has grown from it. Finally I know who I am and can see my path that the Lord has set in front of me, finally I can be me.

It is completely okay that I have an entrepreneurial spirit, with both of my own businesses. It is okay that I give everything I can to anyone who needs it with no questions asked. It is okay that I make friends quick with no judgments even if I may get hurt later. It is okay that I want to be the best Momma that I can to my kiddos even if I was a teen mom. It is okay that even though my husband and I have been through our own set of troubles, that our love for one another still is growing strong. It is ALL okay, even though there are those who say mean things and judge me before knowing the real me, there is only one judge's opinion that matters to me and we know who that is. And he loves me, sin and all, he knows my heart and still wraps his arms around me. This is the biggest lesson I've learned while being home, His love is all we need in life.

Tomorrow I will be off to get my soul mate from the airport and I pray that our travels are safe and go smoothly. The kiddos have no idea that Daddy will be coming home, they think that he will be here on Tuesday. I am SO excited to surprise them with one of the best Dad's that I know. Travis' love for his children may be hard sometimes but he really knows how to make them smile, laugh and most importantly feel his love. This is our plan to surprise them:
I am telling them I have to go and retrieve the medical records from our different Dr's offices. Which they would be really bored driving around all day. SO Nana wants to play with them so she is coming to take to the park and keeping them busy. Travis' flight is around 2:40, so I will be there to pick him up. We will stop and get something to eat. Then head home. Nana is taking them to the concert in the park for some nice music. Travis is going to ask if he can use the Mic to call up the kids or something like that and SURPRISE "Daddy is here!". Not sure about the details of the actual moment of surprise but I am certain there will be LOTS of squeals and laughter! :)
Praying that it all works out, how could it not!?! Either way the kids are going to be in shock that Daddy is home one day earlier than they expect him. Going to be so awesome. It will not feel as lonely here in the house with him here, he will get to enjoy the empty living room as our "dance studio" and join in our dance time fun.

Come Friday/Saturday time we will be packing up and getting ready to embark on our journey to Texas. Praying that we get a renter within the week and our house ready for it's new family. May we be able to enjoy these moments with our family and friends, just soaking it all in. Blessings to each of you who took to the time to read this. Know that you are being prayed for, even if it is an unspoken need. Each one of you are cherished and we have been blessed to have you in our lives. Many hugs and many "see you laters" coming up this week and I pray that we will all FEEL all that needs to be felt with peace filled hearts. May God's grace be with you. 

Amazing Grace

*Sigh*
You know one of those 'sighs' after feeling like you really weren't breathing for awhile. Like everything was overflowing all around you and you were just juggling from one issue to the next issue. That moment that is only a few seconds long, a 'sigh', but helps you regain focus as you get ready to tackle the issue standing right in front of you.

These last few months have really been a huge lesson in God's timing for me and my family. We are facing such emotional issues that it seems we are constantly in a state of prayer. I've learned to calm my heart quickly and just pray through the stress. It surely doesn't stop the stresses from coming but it is getting me through all that is flying at me.

Going from having the most awesome husband here helping with the kiddos and our house, was something that I took for granted, to him being 1500 miles away was a really hard pill to swallow. When he left for Texas on May 8th, I did not realize how much he would be missed. Waking up on the 9th to no coffee being made and poured into my cup was my first clue to how awesome of a hubby Travis is. Every single morning he would make sure I had hot coffee ready for me, poured in my cup with just the right amount of creamer. This kind act was something that he began on his own and that I was always SO grateful for, now I miss it dearly. We are now half way until our family will be back together and we are counting the days.

Though as we count the days to see Daddy, we are counting the days to cherish our time here in PA. There are many fun times planned over the next few weeks and are looking forward to all of the fun events! In the same breath we are incredibly sad that our time is ending up here with our family and friends. It is very hard to take your children away from everything they've known to a place where they are totally unfamiliar with. My children barely remember living anywhere other than Titusville, PA, where all of the family lives. So this move is so much more stressful than any other move ever before. And we have moved to and from Germany while being pregnant both times!!!

Our house has been on the market for 1 month now and have showed it once. Now that is a stress that I was completely unaware just HOW stressful it would be. Now that I am doing it completely alone while being a single working Momma of 4, I'm being pushed down with how overwhelming that is. We pray everyday that God will bless us with a buyer for this home so that we can enjoy these last few weeks here without this stress hanging over us. And as everyday passes with no schedule showing the anxiety sets in, especially because the Army has assigned us housing down there and double bills begin this month. Which means this Momma has to kick up her working time because the Army does not offer "overtime hours" for Travis to pick up to add more money coming in. My days are full of caring for my little ones, keeping the house in semi-showing order, and trying my hardest to set up as many Celebrating Home parties as I can. Just trying to make ends meet, on top of planning gatherings and birthday parties for my kiddos!

I've realized with the house that it will all work out "In God's Timing", which is such a hard lesson to learn. I will admit that I've questioned why we are going through this time with the stress being as high as it is. Or why we have not been blessed with a buyer yet for our beautiful home. I will also admit that the stress is so overwhelming that I've felt very alone. I seen someone post a picture that said "80% of your friends don't care about the problems you face and 20% are happy that you are facing them" and I actually felt I could relate. Ugh. I know. I know. There are people who are praying and caring for us I was just feeling really alone. When these weak moments come across my heart I start to pray and to "sing" praise songs. This helps calm me and helps me see the blessings that surround me, even if things aren't falling in place like we need them to it is all in His time.

As I mentioned we've been singing lots of praise songs to help us handle the high emotion filled days. We've always been a "singing" family, with anything from bible songs to hymns. Usually one of us "singing" at all times, sometimes when we are stressed and all of the time while we are doing chores. Actually a few nights after Travis left when I went upstairs to tuck the kiddos into bed I heard singing. As I came upstairs tears filled my eyes, my children were singing Amazing Grace from their beds. Amazing Grace has become our famliy's go to song to help us feel soothed with God's Love and to push the stress away from our hearts. They have been going through so many emotions with missing Daddy and saying "See you Later" to the people they love. Little Duncan comes to me every night for extra snuggles, pulls up his shirt, points to his chest and says "My feelings hurt." This is where we are with our emotions, completely mixed up but turning to the Lord for his guidance and peace.

Now that the craziness of Dance Recital Week and all of the end of the year Special Days are over I am looking forward to a bit more of a relaxed schedule with my kiddos. Yes, relaxed with 4 kiddos you may say? I just love having them all home, this way we can actually plan and enjoy moments with our families over the next few weeks. Our 4th grader, 2 grader, Kindergartner, and Little D are counting the days until Daddy will rejoin us and head to Texas around the 7th of July. As I pray for friends for them in Texas, a buyer for our house, peace for our hearts, friends and family and all of those families who can relate to the trying times that we are facing. Know that you are being prayed for even if you don't relate to our troubles, everyone has their own set of stresses and your name is being lifted!!!

Prayers and Blessings!

Doing

Jam Packed. That's how I feel right now thinking about our next month or two. Plans. Family. House. Jobs. Children. School. Dance. Friends. Church. MOPS. Many other things that are on our plates, which we are thankful for each and every one and they are all important in our eyes, though truly overwhelming to think about all that needs doing. Oh and believe me when I say that I know so many others playing the balancing game and they too are in my prayers. Praying that their foundation that they are balancing everything upon is made from stone, the stone being God of course. With Him as my foundation I am going through and doing everything that needs doing with Him lifting me up and putting the motivation in my wings.

For those of you who are seeing me on a regular basis and are wondering how I am doing, know that I am doing. Just doing. Times like right now when I let in all of the thoughts of the tasks or commitments that need "doing", I feel the waves of anxiety. Though I find myself praying, categorizing, and working through each thought to calm my nerves, asking God to guide me and fill me with His peace and grace. Doing this seems to really be working and keep me doing.

 Though I find myself really being forgetful and needing many more reminders as to dates, times and most little things that need tended to. Writing down every little detail really seems to help though I feel important connections slipping. This is how I have been categorizing everything so that I can try and not let the important things slip. God first, devotion and prayer time to start my day. Focusing on my husband and kiddo needs next, making sure I'm being the Momma/Wife that they are needing during this very emotion filled time. Family is next on my list, being there for the ones who are supporting us and are needing support themselves(for just because we are needing extra support does NOT mean that everyone else is needing any less or that our situation is any more important). My two businesses are next, with moving and such I am needing to work way more than before to help build both of my businesses and making sure they survive the move too, for we need that income. Friends are next up and are super important to me, though spending actual time with them has lessened this does not mean that my time in prayer has changed at all for them. Friends go right along with Church for me, even though I have more commitments with our Church most of my friends are there. And I am finding that I am loving being there in the church even more, so calming for me. Then comes all of the "extras" like dance, MOPS, school and everything else that falls into the extra category. Each one of these things are feeling a bit of strain though having God walking beside me to carry most of the load is really helping put my mind at ease.

Reconizing what is absolutely important right now is something that is keeping me doing and I pray that everything will work out smoothly. My kiddos are really beginning to feel the strain of the sadness that they will feel when they move. For example my Abagail's birthday was this past Thursday and it was such a nice day though we found Bella crying more than once. This has never happened in our family with the siblings of the birthday child and it wasn't until the next day at Abagail's party that we made the connection to the meltdown and tears. Bella had realized that she will not have her extended family and friends there for her actual birthday and at her party that we are celebrating early she will not have her Dad. This was an emotional connection that I was not prepared to handle from our 7 year old Bella. I tried a couple different methods to help snap her out of her emotions so that she could enjoy each day though none of them worked. She was just sad and jealous of what Abagail was getting to enjoy, an experience she will not get this year. And yes believe me I know that I can make her day just as special and try and distract when the time comes, though now with her being older I have come to realize I can not control her emotions that she will clearly feel. No amount of special things planned on those days will help her not feel the sadness and if you know my Bella then you know what I mean. These emotions that active duty military children feel when they have to move from place to place and go without Daddy for months break my heart for their sacrifices most generally go unnoticed and forgotten. So please take the next few moments and pray for all of the children that have to go through these roller coaster filled emotional struggles with being a Military Child. This month is Military Child Appreciation Month and gets almost zero recognition to their sacrifices for our country so please say those prayers.

Travis is now home with us for the next couple of weeks until around May 7th-ish when he will make the trek to Texas. We are really blessed to have him with us for the next couple of weeks, though his schedule with things to do with the house is pretty full, it is really nice having him home. These past 4 years were clearly the most stressful times he has ever went through, though it has also provided him with a chance to see one of his callings, connecting with people. I pray that as he prepares to head back to the line that he can keep the compassion for people that he was blessed with out here. In just one week I've really seen my husband turning back into the wonderful husband and father that he was before recruiting, like the stress filled man that he had become is melting right before our eyes. Truly Blessed, please keep him in your prayers as he gets ready to blend back into the fast paced military life that he once was so good at. May he transition well to the line and finds that passion for crew drills that he once had, ha ha! :)

We've finally decided what we wanted to do with house, which was such a hard decision since we absolutely LOVE our home and have put alot of time and work into it. If we find someone who would reliably and lovingly rent our home then we will rent. Though we have begun the steps to listing our home for sale, it is a beautiful, character-full, great location, 4 bedroom, 2 full bathrooms, 2 living areas, huge counter tops, open kitchen/dining area, skylights in Master Bedroom AND Living Room, spacious closets, gorgeous built ins, Pantry/Laundry Area, 6 sided office, 2 basements, untouched Original woodwork upstairs, hard wood floors under carpet, fenced back yard, lovely asphalt driveway, large deck, corner lot and gorgeous landscaping :) Can you tell I just LOVE my home!!! So I pray that we can find the right people to purchase our home and that everything will work out smoothly, there is nothing like our home on the market right now and I am praying that we get a good price so that we can move forward with our life knowing that this beautiful home is in good hands. There is a bunch of "doing" to the house basically finishing the little projects that we wanted to do this our home like painting and such. I jokingly told my husband that after it is all done that I bet I will never want to leave, lol!!!!

Celebrating Home is such a wonderful Christian company and I am truly enjoying working with them. As most of you know it is a direct sale company that specializes in Home Decor, Candles, Food Mixes, Pottery and much more. I am praying that my business can continue to grow when we move and that I can find some friends up here to work with also, so if you are interested in working with me please contact me and we will get together and chat! The support system up here is something I pray that I can grow down in Texas, it is such a joy to gather with other Celebrating Home ladies, get tips and lots of fun training! I'm also praying that my Hat business will flourish there also, that is the business where my true passion can come out and it is more of a stress reliever getting to design for others than it is a stress maker! Loving the direction that my own career is going and I will continue to pray that it will be blessed by God. If you haven't checked out my girl's own flower clip page then head over and check it out(Fireflies flower designs). This was such a neat way for them to earn money and "work" as they call it, I think it is so cool that my little girls have the designing bug too. They had been bugging me to make them a lemonade stand to sell outside our house though I explained that people just don't stop at those anymore. Last year they had sold basic flowers at my craft fairs and made enough money to go to the movies twice. We ordered the supplies for this year's "batches" and they were a hit too! So we decided they'd have their own "lemonade stand" in the form a their own page on facebook and it surely is a hit. Very proud of my little girls!

There surely has been alot of "doing" going on around here and we are surviving and so far everything has been going fairly smoothly. I pray that these next few weeks with Travis home can go smoothly for I know that once he leaves it will be a certain reality hitting us in the face. Emotions will be going high with the kids and I will be holding strong for them. My goal in this next month is to soak up enough strength, deal with all of my emotions that have been bottled up and be the Momma that they will need. Remembering that through all of this "doing" that I need to still enjoy every moment I get with everyone who surrounds me. Prayers going out to the McGrath, Miller, Sutton, Rogers, Somerville, Lingo and all of the other military families who are facing alot of these struggles. Know that each of these families are in my prayers along with everyone who shows their love and support for us even though your struggles may be different know that you are being prayed for.

Blessings,
Nicole

Flying By

Flying by. That's how I feel lately, everything is just speeding past me and I really cant grab onto anything around me. Our journey has had some big road bumps lately though I am just trying to get past them without looking back. Though I will say that I'm looking down more before I take the next step to try and avoid more of these speed bumps in the future.

Not having an exact time line is something new to me with this move. In the past we knew the exact date when we would be leaving to the next base. Though this time around with Travis leaving ahead of us on May 8th-ish, the kids and I have so many variables in when we will leave. We know it will be after their school ends and that is about it. It depends completely on what we decided with what we are doing with our Home. The ideal situation is to find someone who can afford to rent/lease with us, who will love our home as much as we do. Renting/Leasing is so tricky though and really wouldn't want to be stuck with a payment or extra expenses due to the Renters/Leasers not being very reliable. For me, I LOVE my home it is big but not huge, completely redone inside, wonderful outside areas, the perfect kitchen with large counter tops, lots of built ins and closets, two nice size basements and in a very quiet neighborhood! So finding someone to buy our home, I'd really want them to love it as much as I do. What we decide to do with this house is definitely depending on when we will be leaving as a family. Having it hanging over me is really stressing me out and yes I know that I'm not suppose to stress but I am.

Lately the kiddos are really starting to show the signs of feeling this stress that I mentioned that I know we aren't supposed to be feeling. But we are, it's seeping in from just about everything. We are trying to enjoy all of the moments with one another and the others that we are going to be moving away from. Though seeing the kid's hearts break with the sadness is a situation that we've never had to parent through before is really a struggle. We've been spending alot of time in our Bibles and devotions sorting through the emotions of stress and sadness. Though we know that this kind of sacrifice comes along with being an Army Family, and that so many Army Families go through this everyday. A sacrifice that we discussed as family and all understood though now going through it we are beginning to struggle. Praying that nailing down actual moving plans will ease their minds, though I guess could do the opposite too!

 Though when a little one cuddles up to you, looks in your eyes and says "Momma, promise me that I will never have to leave you. I want to stay with you forever."..........tears were my first thought, though I know I have to stay strong for them......so I looked back into her eyes and said "You'll always be my baby and no matter where we are in this world it will never change the relationships that we have grown through God.".....I don't know if that was what I was "suppose" to say or feel but that is what came out and that is how I feel. My kids are very emotional little people who have relationship and community awareness so this move is really shaking their understanding about what is going to change. And they have nothing to compare it to which makes the understanding part harder on them. Please Pray for them on this Journey, and for wisdom for Travis and I to be able to help them along the way.

******one tid-bit that is related to this, I've had people ask me how I've got my children to be so aware of others feelings and hardships so I thought I'd share something we've done for years. We started this in Oklahoma, I read I think in a Reader's Digest at a Dr's office, that whenever you hear Sirens ambulance, police, firetrucks. That you should stop the conversation, bow your heads and pray. It can be a quick prayer or a lengthy one. here is an example of a prayer we'd say:
Dear Lord, Please watch over and guide the emergency volunteers. Comfort the families involved in the need for the sirens, Lord. Bless them with your grace and joy. In Jesus name, Amen.
This happened just the other day when we were packing our groceries into the van, Bella heard the sirens, grabbed my hand and said "Momma please pray for that family with me" and she began to pray.
This has helped them relate the sirens to actual people's lives, calm them so they won't be scared, and connect them with praying for others. Just thought I would share this as it popped into my head as I was typing about our Journey. Blessings!*************

Now that it is spring time the pace is certainly picking up at a very rapid pace. Planning holidays, birthdays, gatherings all so that the kids can feel the love of their community and family!!  We set up our Ipad2 with Skype and realized how neat that is going to be as a tool for our family when we are far away. I pray that others can get a webcam or tablet so that we can Skype with all of our friends and family. So as time is flying please keep us in your prayers as we pray for your family too. Keep the McGrath Family in our prayers too as they are facing alot of these challenges too. Off I go to grab onto anything around me to help slow everything Flying By!!!

Blessings,
The Pearsall Family

Re-Enlistment Speech

Yesterday marked a very pivital moment that our family was really stuggling with. It was Travis' final re-enlistment, because he is over 10 years this enlistment will be indefinate, which means that we are at the Army's bidding until we retire, for the next 9-11 years. It was a decision that we actually struggled with though the peace that God gave us is what helped us decide that it was the best option for our family.  It was a big moment even if the "recruiting world" had poor attitudes about it, I wanted to make sure Travis knew how much it meant to our family. My bible time yesterday morning was spent in prayer and writing a speech for him, our favorite photographer was hired to join to capture this moment, and the kids were all dressed up and kept from school to witness their Daddio swear in to his Country for the final time.

Sharing this speech is so that our family and friends that could not be there for the ceremony, can still read the words I wrote for him. The words I felt he needed to hear, along with his recruiting command.  This final re-enlistment was going to take place in the very office that he chose to join the Army in over 11 years ago. At all of the past re-enlistment ceremonies and promotion ceremonies I've been asked to say a few words, though never had anything prepared. This time they didn't say anything about my soldier, our family, or even ask if I wanted to say anything but I was prepared and asked to read this anyway!



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Where this journey began.
Standing in the office where decisions were made for enlistment into the United States Army, something bigger than any of us standing here. Brings back many memories over the past 11 years. Those memories and certain actions have always been what has fueled the decisions we have made and will continue to make.

Knowing the sacrifices that our relationship and eventually our family had to endure, were for something bigger than us has always been what has gotten me through all that has come our way. Situations that we, as an Army family, have faced have been full of ups and downs. For those struggles just do not come to the military lifestyle, but is Life.

Thinking back to all that we have faced: separation, moving, deployment and living overseas. There has been good experiences that have come from each struggle that we have faced. There is proof in a box in our basement of our love story, through hundreds of our letters to one another. We may have been separated during that time but no one can take away the memory of how excited I was each day to run to that mailbox to see what had come from you. 

I want to also thank you for choosing this windy and foggy path of the Army. We may not know which way it will take us or be able to see in front of our own feet but the Army has provided us something that is hard to explain. Your love and passion may be Army now but I can see it in your eyes that you would have love to pursue something else like to become a teacher and some day you will. I thank you for sacrificing your own dream for our family and your country.

Without your sacrifice and choosing to serve your country I would not have gotten the chance of a lifetime. I've got the chance to be the very best stay at home Momma that I could without the financial worry. Focused on raising wonderful little citizens all while getting the chance to live in new communities and seeing the world. You also provided us with the chance to be back "home" for the last 4 years. That has been the best gift anyone will ever give us. Not only do our children have actual relationships now with our family but they will have something most Army children will never have gotten, which is stability. They will forever have those strong bonds.

For me, your sacrifices have shown me how much you care for yourself, our family and country. your sacrifices have not been your own but are shared among everyone who loves you. I know being out here in the "recruiting world" has slowed your career, yet another sacrifice, though know how very grateful I am for every moment I've received. Our children, family and friends are truly grateful for being so blessed with this time spent here in our hometown, such an awesome opportunity.

With your actions today you are choosing to continue to provide for our family and more experiences that are unknown but equally as valuable. Just as stated before there will be ups and downs though just as long as there is a "countdown" and we are aware of what is bigger than us, our family will be strong.

How awesome is it to be given the chance to re-enlist your final time in this office where it all began. This journey that has taken us all over the world and placed the most amazing people all around us. Know that with God all things are possible, your sacrifices do not go unseen, our family will forever stand behind you, that this journey is for a lifetime!
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I read this through tear filled eyes and holding back the "ugly cry" so that my husband would know how important this decision was for our family.  Admitting that I've struggled over the last few weeks with this decision, having a very hard time accepting it. Though yesterday was one of the best peace filled days that I've had in weeks. With a thankful and gracious heart I say "Home is where my Soldier is.".

Tick Tock

Whew! Lately there has been so much going on around me that I feel like I'm standing still, watching the sands drop one by one threw the hour glass. There is so much to wrap my brain around that I'm having trouble focusing on the day to day tasks. It feels as though the "life" switch has been moved from "normal" to "hyper speed". This isn't just in reference to my own stresses but those around me too. It feels as though the people I need to lean on all have their own troubles going on and I am quickly realizing how I've been ALOT of people's "rock". I know that in my heart and soul that the big man upstairs is my rock and I am finding alot of comfort in that. Though it feels very difficult to try and manage all of these feelings coming from everyone and including my own in there, it seems to push me to the very edge.

My "normal" mindset is normally to find the positive in everything and to always have a smile on my face, making everyone feel a bit better about whatever they may be facing. Lately this smile and happy demeanour is eluding me, it really has been a struggle. Just admitting this I know what everyone is going to tell me "It will all work out", "You are so blessed", "There is no need to be so down", "The Lord is on your side, don't be anxious" all of these things my brain tells me daily though it doesn't stop my heart to feel these feelings of sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and constant racing thoughts. My heart feels broken even though I KNOW it will all work out, this is what I'm feeling.

When I was 13 my mom took us on a Californian vacation and we got to see all kinds of beautiful sites, it was just her, my brother and her friend Debi. We had such a nice time and one place she took us was to the Moaning Caverns. It was beautiful to see go down the spiral staircase to the bottom of the dark and damp cavern. Seeing all of the stalactites and stalagmites, reminders of how awesome nature is, that even in the bottom of this dark cavern there is beauty. Right now I feel like I am standing right there amoung the beautiful pieces of nature that God has made, at the very bottom of that cavern, in the darkness. As I look up I see the faint light at the top of the 244 steps, I feel overwhelmed. How will I ever make it up those steps, the path will be just as winding as the actual spiral staircase(I am sure of that). I'm at the bottom, surrounded by blessings, looking up, knowing that I can not go at my own pace, that there is a time frame for me to climb those 244 steps.

Literally feeling the sadness from others is something I've battled my whole life, I know it sounds strange but I can sense when someone is feeling down just by being near them.  Lately this sense has been off the charts, I know there are so many people who are saddened by our move though I just wasn't expecting the amount of people who are going to be affected. It makes me feel bad but the ones that I am worried about the most are my own kiddos. How am I going to prepare them to be ready for all of the changes, when I am feeling completely unprepared myself? Everytime I hear who my Little Duncan declares as his "best friend" of the day it brings tears to my eyes as it vairies everyday from "M", "Nate", "Uncle Eric", "Gammie", "Miss Diane", "Josh", "Bob", "Joey" and the list goes on and on. Or when the girls get excited about doing something "next year" and then quickly remember that there is no "next year" here but in a brand new place.

All of the logistics of the move are still up in the air at this time, which is making everything THAT much harder to work through. We still aren't sure if we are selling our home or renting it. There are no set dates yet as to when we are moving. When will we pack everything up? Not sure even how we are going to move finacially with him driving down in May, then us, well whenever that works out....I guess. I've found myself in prayer most times than not, just praying for everything to go smoothly even though I have no idea of what the outcome will be. The only thing I know for sure is that Travis will be in Texas on May 10th and from that point on it will just be me, figuring out everything on my own.

As I mentioned before, everyone around me is going through their own trials and some literally. Just about everyone knows about the turbulent craziness that went on last year with my Step-Mom, Dad, and step-brother. It was one of the hardest things that I have had to go through and I had to be the rock for that side of my family, keeping everything together. As my Step-Mom faces jail time for her actions that just adds even more stress to our family, as I've basically withdrawn, overwhelmed with our own families move. This is just one of the extra stresses that my support "network" is going through as I try and manage my own way through everything, trying my hardest to still be the daughter and friend that everyone needs. I find praying for others has really gotten me through the times when I can feel the panic swelling inside me. And looking around at those around me, there are so many in need of prayer, including myself.

Being woken out of a dead sleep at 2:30 am this morning, I tried my hardest to get back to sleep and get the rest I so desperately need. Between the terrible bronchitis our family shared amoungst ourselves and the heart palpitations I haven't been sleeping well at all. I laid on the couch listening to the intriguing sounds of our beautiful home in the night time silence, though the sound of the clock caught my attention. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. At the sound of each second passing the tears welled up in my eyes. Reminding me of how quickly time is moving, completely unforgiving with all that is going on and all that needs done. The tears remained in my eyes as I prayed over the people in my life who are struggling, trying to get my mind off the uncertainty in my own life. They say that Time will heal a broken heart though at this point, for me, Time is making it worse.