Being "Home"

Taking myself back to where I was 4 years ago, sitting in my little ranch style house in Oklahoma, I distinctly remember the emotions of finding out where our next adventure was going to be. As I waited patiently for that phone call from my hubby, Travis, all I could think of was the excitement of moving again. I loved it, every single part of picking up and going somewhere new. When the phone call came with that all important information of where we were going I could have exploded with excitement. Though when he said the words "Franklin, Pennsylvania" I knew our world was about to change.

He'd be recruiting from the same office he signed up at, Franklin, PA is just a hop away from our hometown of Titusville, Pennsylvania which meant that we would finally be around family after 5 years of living in Texas, Germany and Oklahoma. That alone brought on many emotions between us, our family and friends. We were finally going "home". This was the most life changing moment at this point in time. Yes, even bigger than marriage and the birth of our beautiful babies. We had always known our own strength and independence with never living in our home town. Never having to deal with petty drama or getting to feel the love of family support on a daily basis. Little did we know how drastically different our lives would be just 4 years later.

Being a Teen Mom, getting married and traveling the world , left very little time to actually know who I truly was meant to be or what God's plan for me was. Though in the past 4 years I've become the artistic, loving, kind, providing, Christian woman that I feel was who I was suppose to be all along. When we first moved back here 4 years ago, I remember each day being so full of excitement like we were on leave, visiting and seeing all of our families. Getting reconnected and figuring out our place in the extended family dynamic, this proved trying at times though very rewarding to feel the closeness with them once again.

This bond with our families and seeing our children grow tremendously from being around them in just a few short months really got Travis and I wanting to grow the family by one more. After loosing a precious baby we were able to successfully add to the family with baby D. It was the first baby that our families got to experience every single part in his growth. It felt so good. Our family was complete. The girls had begun school with teachers that Travis had in elementary school here, which is a very rooting and awesome feeling. Our little boys were able to go with me on visits to my grandparents and fulfill a bond with their elders that have shaped their character.

We began attending our church about 1 year and a half into our time here and have been forever blessed. The church family is something I was never able to experience as a child though am now able to provide for my children. There are many people God has put in my life from this loving church that will forever be a part of our family. Being an active member of our church I began to grow within myself, I went from being a "military mom of 4" to a leader within different groups such as MOPS and KFC where I finally felt like I had a sense of belonging.

God has placed every person in my life here, some to forever be a part of my support group, some to learn lessons from, some to look up to, some just to love. My Proverbs 31 journey last year really brought out some of the missing pieces within my own self and each person that I came into contact with shaped this journey for me. The Lord blessed me with the knowledge, abilities, and guidance of building my own at home business that I can now provide my family with.

Our family has experienced loss of very loved  family members, tragedy, blessings, weddings, new friends, vacations, reunions, happiness, and bonds between so many relationships since we've been "home". Knowing the strength that I've shown in the past with all of the moving, it's frustrating to me to no longer feel that emotion when it comes to moving. We knew that change was coming, it's inevitable we're in the Army, though this one and only time I wasn't ready. I know that leaving our "home" is going to be hard and that I will probably never be ready but hearing the actual order information Report to Ft. Hood, TX on May 10, 2012  really broke me down.

Travis is gathering his warrant officer packet and submitting it next week though the board doesn't convene until March to know if he will be selected. So do we prepare ourselves to leave or wait and see if he gets picked up? We've decided that if he gets picked up that we will stay here while he attends school so that he can focus and we can have our support system. Then after he graduated we'd rejoin him wherever he may be. I've decided to put all of my worry, fears, anxiety in God's hands though this is proving to be difficult. There are so many unknowns and what ifs that it is quite overwhelming.

Handling all of the emotions of getting the house ready to sell, preparing our children to get ready for a huge change in relationships, deciding what kind of treatment/dr's to see for my health(getting ready to switch dr's again with a move), family members who are doing very poorly right now, how to continue my business, homeschooling for the kids? and many other issues that all come from leaving "home". My positive outlook kicks in when I get everything out and layed on the table. Understanding that everything will fall into the place where we are meant to be though getting that to sink in over the next few days will be trying. This first initial panic, I know is very normal, though feeling all of these emotions makes it feel like seeing light in a smoke filled room. Just needed to open a window and let it all out.